Thursday, October 23, 2014

Abandoning Answerianity

    Am I allowed to ask?
    Am I allowed to say it is ridiculous to bar a gay person from committing to the one they love, just because of a few controversial verses?
    Am I allowed to ask why some people insist that Jesus had to die for our atonement in some sort of child-sacrifice, when that's a very recent opinion?
    Am I allowed to say I think mainstream Calvinism, and definitely genocide, is cruel and wrong?
    Am I allowed to say I love liturgy, I really like Catholic Mass, and I believe evolution is the most realistic origin for life?
    Am I allowed to say I only want God if He is good, and if He is not good, I'd rather be in hell?
    Am I allowed to ask if God exists?
    Now for the age-old question: am I allowed to do this and still be a Christian?

    If you answered "no" to any of these questions, if my questioning is "proof" of me sliding away from faith, then...okay. This post isn't my defense of my orthodoxy or lack thereof.

    But if you're angered by my opinions and you want to know more, then please listen.
    Please, church, please listen. I am begging you.
    Can you hear our tears? Our howls of despair?
    It's the despair of a generation of evangelicals who were told Christianity is so, so much more than loving God and our neighbors.
    We were told Christianity was a culture war, to never listen to our hearts, to keep those legs shut before you ruin yourself. We were told Christianity was the Right means to heaven and the Last Days were upon us and the Earth was damned, so we might as well let it go.
    And when we started searching, we didn't find x amount of questions. We found questions that led to more questions that led to more and more (in math: not Q * x, but Q^x).

    Look at the condemnation heaped upon Gungor for questioning evolution. Look at the smug claims of "heresy" toward Rachel Held Evans for using feminine pronouns for Our God and for questioning if God really wanted Abraham to kill his child. And, of course, all those claims are done in online blog responses that leave me wondering how much you actually care about the person versus asserting how awesomely orthodox you are.
    Look at ten thousand faces abandoned by those who needed to prove their disagreement on LGBTQ issues once more, as if most people don't know how most of the church feels about them.
    Then look at those running out of church.
    If you don't see a correlation, you are very, very wrong, my friend.
    Brothers and sisters, do you know, every time you condemn them in the name of upholding what your think is true, you condemn us, too? We've gone through science classes and seen and loved people so, so different from ourselves. We cannot fit into your bubble without amputating our heads and hearts and we'll die if we do.
    You don't have to agree. I respect your differing options, and you're not evil or antiChrist or stupid for thinking differently.
    But your condemnation, your rush to prove a point over a person, your caution that we're asking the wrong questions just because they involve messy human bodies and/or weird emotions - nothing disgusts me more.
    Hey, we're a generation who's pretty screwed-up in a lot of ways, but for the most part we want justice. We want our neighbors to be loved as ourselves. And we constantly see the church denying that justice far too often.
"I'm locking you out, hooman. Hahahaha." - church and cats.
    I don't think my questions and doubts make me a heretic. I want orthodoxy. I want every. word. in. this. creed.
    I want the messy beauty of a God and Man in One, of three Godheads in One, of dying and love and resurrection and forgiveness and life everlasting.
    I'm willing to be wrong on many things. Correct me if you want. If I am heretical, feel free to email me or something. I'm willing to listen.
    Can you please do the same?
    Because every day, I'm still searching for Jesus. For the most part, I am finding Him present in Christianity, not black-and-white Answerianity.
    Only God alone is good, so only God alone is right.

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